I feel like I am still adjusting to having to balance my time so differently to before I was a mama. There is so much I have to do to keep on top of the housework and so much I want to do for my business and for myself and then most importantly so much to do to share my life with Eli, to take care of him and to teach him and to help him grow that I often feel overwhelmed right now.
Despite getting up at 6:30 every morning and going to bed between 10 and 11 in the evening I just do not feel like there is enough time in the day to get everything I need and then want to get done, done. Sometimes I wounder if I expect to much of myself and that I need to let some things give but then I am aware that in 12 to 18 months time I intend to add a distance learning access course to this load so I can go back to uni in a few years and I wounder how that will actually work. I think I need one of those time traveling devices from Harry Potter, either that or some magic power that means I don't need to sleep.
Something that unfortunately has slipped is my garden. It fell behind in the hierarchy of importance. I went outside to day to survey the damage 4 weeks of neglect has caused. Caterpillars have eaten most of the leafy plants and the compost we planted everything in was so lacking in nutrients that many of the plants have failed to produce vegetables with most things beginning to grow then becoming stunted and shriveled. I should have fertilised the soil better. I've now pulled up everything that was dead, severely eaten or growing unhealthy fruit to tidy up the space. The garden seems quite stripped back now but at least it looks like a nice place to be again.
The three sisters still appear to be growing strong however. I collected a few runner beans today and the squash plants have quite a few large squash growing under them. We also still have some leaks and some carrots and a few pepper plants. The aubergine plants haven't yet to flower so I think it is unlikely they will produce edible fruit before the season ends but I kept the plants because they at least look pretty. We are still getting a few strawberries too and I managed to dig up a good few potatoes.
Here are some photographs I took of the garden earlier today...
Since being pregnant and especially since giving birth I have felt so creative and inspired. There is so much artwork I want to create and projects I wish to pursue that I am constantly itching to pick up my pencils. I have been making sure that Chilly has Eli for a few hours each week while I take myself away to draw and have some time for myself so I can have the chance to express some of the ideas I have.
Here are the two ink drawings I finished last Saturday. I am really pleased with how they came out, especially the smaller one. I am hoping to start work on a few A2 pieces I have in my mind over the next few weeks.
|These drawings are for sale in my Etsy shop and on Redbubble.|
Today is a Sunday (or at least it is at the time of writing, I am unsure If I am going to be able to finish this post tonight), so I am going to finish this post with a few things I am grateful for during this last week....
- Eli. He is growing so quickly. He has started to smile when you get close to him sometime and the whole of his beautiful little face beams up at you. Everything about him amases me. He truly is my rainbow.
- My garden. Although many things have not worked out so far this year I am so grateful to have the space and the opportunity to learn to grow my own food. The mistakes that have been made this year may not have given me vegetables but they have given me knowledge which I can use next year to better my crop.
- The health of my family and friends. Some sad news this week about the death of a college friend has really made me think about death and change. I think death scares me. I get very nervous and insecure when people die, especially when they die young. I think learning to accept death as an inevitable change is something that I really need to work on.
- My mum watching Eli for the afternoon so me and Chilly could go to the cinema for his birthday. It was really nice to go out and do something just the two of us even if I did spend most of the evening texting my mum to see how the baby was.